Skeptics With a Sense of Humor: Black Belt in Squatch

You know what's cool? Ninjas. Ninjas are really, really cool. I kinda wish I could be one. I'm not very athletic, though, and I'm not that sneaky or Japanese, either, now that I think about it. But that's okay; I do have a credit card and internet access, so I could probably just order this video course and learn in my spare time at home. And once I'm done with that I can start teaching other people the ancient secrets of ninjutsu.

No, seriously, I could. No one can really stop me. It's totally legal (in the U.S., at least) for me to open a martial arts school without actually learning martial arts first. It would be, like, unethical and stuff, but totally and completely legal. And apparently, a lot of people do exactly that. It's easy--you can either buy yourself a black belt/credential in an established martial art or "rediscover" a whole different "ancient" martial art. From what I can tell, most fakers are into fake Asian martial arts, but European martial arts* are a thing, too, so you could also go that direction.?

Which isn't to say all martial arts is bullshit (or bullshido, as real fighters call it). Judo and taekwondo are in the Summer Olympics, for pete's sake. And fencing, if that counts as a European martial art. I don't know. It's European and there are swords involved, so I'm counting it. The point here is that you can learn to kick real asses from really certified teachers (and possibly win a gold medal), but you have to do your research, because there's not just one Official Ass Kickin' Federation to govern all the many martial arts, and some organizations have better standards than others. And even though you'd see through my fake ninja ruse pretty quickly, there are better fakers than me out there.** Before you pay anyone for martial arts lessons, watch them kick some ass first. Unless it's Jackie Chan--if it's Jackie Chan, you can just take his word for it.

*Fun fact: I once knew a guy who was into this. He seemed to be offended that white dudes were so into Asian martial arts when there were perfectly good white guy martial arts out there to study. To this day, I'm not sure if that's super racist or just super weird. I mean, hasn't he ever seen a Jackie Chan movie? Or a fake movie ninja? Who wouldn't be into that??

**If you're really worried, some of those links have good tips for finding a qualified teacher and how to spot fakey ones.

Source: http://utahcountyskeptics.blogspot.com/2012/08/black-belt-in-squatch.html

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